• operator: 911, please hold.
  • me: stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
  • murderer: ok
breakinq:

following back heaps♡
  • School: We don't allow bullying if you bully we will fuck you up
  • Student: I got bullied.
  • School: The fuck do you want us to do about it?

when you over-hear a joke in someone else’s conversation and accidentally laugh out loud

image

(Source: whimmy-bam, via reblogandrefresh)

duloxetine:

 

blackbarmitzvahs:
Can you imagine the conversation though?
Queen: I’m going
Chief of Staff: But, Your Majesty, the security risks…
Queen: I’m going I want cake 
Chief of Staff:
Queen: 
Chief of Staff: 
Queen: I want cake

meladoodle:

meladoodle:

meladoodle:

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

image

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

(Source: meladoodle, via ulittlefrickers)

tfm-intern:

Your bank flagging your credit card for suspicious activity when you try to buy textbooks. TFM. 

thecollegeprepster:

Monkey in the middle! 🐒 #topsiding with two of the cutest boys I know, @garrettmccarthy and @theodorefitzpatrick. 🙇🐶#liketkit www.liketk.it/6nYU @liketkit